My Mistakes And How You Can Avoid Them
Coming from a family that didn't have anyone that was divorced with someone that had previously been divorced and from a family where everyone was divorced but me at a huge disadvantage.
1) Don't Try to Reason With Them without a Lawyer
I tried the process myself putting together a visitation plan and settling things financially. When things seem logical to you, they may be but the legal system is set up to get women as much money as they can get. There is no use in trying to apply reason. The court will see you made the attempt and you can show a logical attempt and then that is all you can do.
2) Never Try To Rush Things
As painful as the process is, lawyers will try to drag out the case for years...chances are they are not getting you as a repeat client. Buckle down, change your lifestyle and wait it out. Showing frustration with the process only makes things worse. Get items filed as soon as you can and show the court that the other person dragged it out, ran up legal fees...etc. Courts have timelines so they can say the average divorce took 1 year, 2 years to settle...they want you to stay average whatever it is. I tried rushing it and it only cost me more in attorney fees and the opposing attorney jumped on it as I had issues / an agenda, that I was bullying.
3) Never Say or Write Anything That You Don't Want Used Against You
When we speak to our ex's or soon to be...it should only be about the kids and make every interaction factual.
"They ate this and went to bed at 8pm"...etc.
Keep your answers as short and to the point as possible. My ex constantly tries to get me mad and she is always ready with a recorder. I record now. I texted once after my ex tried breaking into my home to "leave me and my son alone this is the only house he is loved". That one text message was exploited and I lost my son for 6 months. Don't give anyone any opportunity to turn your words around...they will try anyway, but the less they have to work with the better.
4) Call the Police
When someone is acting irrational especially in front of your kids...call the police. Most of the time they can't do anything but because they were called you have the situation documented from a non-biased perspective.